Divenire

Time is nothing to me now. Which in a way is great because time only flies when you are having fun. 

But it also frightens me that maybe I haven't taken enough time to stop and really appreciate this whole journey. 

I remember as a child thinking the drive to our camping ground was forever (which was about a 25 minutes...) and now for me it's like, "5 months away from home? That's nothing!" 

A part of me wishes that I could still see 25 minutes as a long time, for if that were the case life wouldn't seem to just pass you by.

Just take life by the 25 minutes in front of you. What happens next is irrelevant for the time being.

But regardless, it some how all has passed so quickly and in just over a week I shall be venturing back home to my lovely little town of trees and totems in order to figure out where my next steps shall lead. 

I honestly can not wait to get to sleep in real bed and not a single cot, or to have an oven and oh my goodness, not have to wear the same clothes from my suitcase that I have had for the past 5 months. 

(Stupid but you really appreciate a full closet...)

 It's also incredibly terrifying to think I have no idea what my next step is. One of, if not the hardest part of this job is that plans are always changing and you never really know what's going to happen next. 

Nothing is ever set in stone .

And for me at this point the next step is nothing but a black abyss waiting for me to step closer and peer my head inside.

It's thrilling and absolutely terrifying. 

But for now I'm going to try and not get too far ahead of myself and just focus on the present; enjoying my last few days here and once I'm home, go into a deep relax/detox mode. The rest will unfold in it's own due time. 

Ky.xo

Blazenstvo

"If you put a candle on the sun, it may be amidst the grandest of light, but it can not see the potential of it's flame. Only when you surround it with darkness will it have the chance to see it's full light"

While on a walk with my lovely room mate Sarah I told her this quote, which I summed up from a story I had heard in a podcast I was listening to. For some reason it struck both of us quite hard. 

I remember after I heard the full story I just sat and thought. 

I believe in passion and purpose. I believe I am finding mine. And as much as I don't think we ever fully know what our full purpose ever is, I do feel I'm headed in the right direction. 

This whole journey for me has been anything but smooth sailing. It's been a roller coaster of ups and downs and set backs. But some how and some way, it has always worked out.

And after hearing that story it just kind of hit me, maybe this isn't supposed to be easy for me. Maybe I'm supposed to struggle in order to be able to show people regardless of what knocks you down it's still possible. 

I can say follow your dreams and never give up all I want, but who would listen to me if I had just been discovered somewhere and was walking for Chanel the following week. 

Instead I've pushed, I've worked and I've had to get myself to where I am now. And I'm still having to push and constantly give it my all. But I wouldn't have it any other way. Because I know when I do reach that point of my own success, it will taste that much sweeter for I will know it was my own blood sweat and tears that got me there. Not a hand that was extended and pulled me along. 

Adversity is there to give you strength. A ball can't bounce unless it hits the ground first. The harder the fall, the higher it soars. So any struggles or moments of defeat are there to only help raise us higher. Not to hold us down.

Alright, that's my vent for the evening

Ky.xo

ps. Follow your bliss....