Law of attraction.

Some days you wake up starring straight into the eyes of misfortune. It smiles and says "Good morning" in it's sly mischievous tone. And for the rest of the day it follows you. Frolicking around laughing as it simply stands in your way of everything. You try to reason with it, plead even. But it just continues to walk in your shadows.

The other night Jacob and I were talking about The Secret, a book about the law of attraction. This, and only this is the way to send misfortune on the next ship to Costa Rica.

I woke up this morning with my neck killing due to the cot I currently sleep on. Only to burn myself when pouring my hot water and lemon. Then tripping over the cords that run straight across my room for the internet.

Ok not a good start but I thought give it a bit of time.

Then I had a conversation with my mother that I couldn't exactly say shifted my mood in any way. Just not the morning for it. Causing me to billow in frustration.

Of course while getting ready I poked my eyes with mascara and my hair didn't want to cooperate.

I stepped outside to another 37 degree day. Fueling more anger towards my sweat.

After a meeting with my agent I headed to Zara's just to waste time. I didn't buy anything mainly looked around wishing the sale was still on so I could afford anything. After about an hour I decided to head back. Only to have my eyes caught by a starbucks. I thought ok, I so deserve this.

So I got a nice cold carmel frapp and a wrap. While walking to the only open seat I nicked the corner of my tray on the pony wall sending my frapp flying.

Awesome.

Hadn't even opened the straw yet.

The girls who's feet were currently covered the ice cold drink were nice enough to grab a worker to mop it up. My 10 napkins didn't really cut it.

And thankfully the workers were kind enough to even bring me a new drink right away. You always kind of hope they would but you never know if they will. Right then I though ok, this attitude needs to change. I'm a magnet for misery right now.

And when I finally got back to the apartment I just started laughing. If I keep saying "This is the worst day, I'm having such a bad day" I'm just going to attract more bad things. So I decided no, I am going to say "I'm going to have a better day, good things can still happen"

And as much as I haven't won the lottery or landed a burberry campaign, nothing bad has happened since. I have successfully walked across my room without tripping, Made dinner without burning myself and I even found one last cookie in the box that I thought I had finished.

And that right there is good enough for me.

So long misfortune, I hope you enjoy Costa Rica.

Ky.xo

A dose of laughter.

I don't think I was lacking in nutrients yesterday when I was feeling really low. I think I was lacking in love. Back home I see friends and family everyday who care about me. Even if they don't say it, they show it by being involved in my life. Whether is having breakfast or texting. I have not had something like that in a long time. Other then my regular skype sessions with my mom.

I have no one to have a normal english speaking conversation with here. No one checking up on me. No one hugging me. And I'm a hugging kind of person, not having a few of those a week isn't easy.

I think the scariest part of it all to me is if something were to happen to me, it could be an entire day before anyone even thought to say something. My agent only calls every few days now and I never see my room mates anymore.

I think loneliness got the best of me.

But today I got exactly what I needed. Thankfully Jacob had nothing better to do with his Monday night so we decided to Skype. We started at about 11 AM (tokyo time) and finally decided he should get some sleep at 5:30 PM (tokyo time) Finally talking and having a normal conversation with someone was so refreshing. And not only that, but laughing. I hadn't laughed a good hard tears-in-your-eyes laugh in a long time. And I didn't realize it until I was. It just kind of hit me like god, I miss this! Not only that, I got to share my opinions and random thoughts. Usually when I talk to my mom or my friends it's just updates. Not just regular conversation. Jacob and I seem to have this way of covering almost every topic. In Chemistry we decided we should have our own talk show. Cause man the things we rant about. But it was wonderful to be able to. Like I said, it had been much too long.

It would be completely different if I had room mates I was friends with like I said. Some form of company. But I wasn't graced with that this time around.

Not being able to really laugh for two months is like someone cutting protein out of your diet.

It's not easy.

I love what I'm doing, I wouldn't change a second of it. But it really has shown me some of the important things we don't think about day to day. And I know hopefully next time I travel I will have some better room mates.

Who by the way finally got my hint from the other night and actually cleaned today. It's the first time I've seen them do so since being here... Better late then never I guess.

Ky.xo

Hang me up to dry, you've rung me out too many times.

Today was.. odd. I think this whole thing has finally caught up with me. I felt completely drained all day. Maybe it's because I'm bored out of my mind. Not too sure. I've had the last few days off and to be honest I'm not sure if I'll work much more before I go. Granted that's not such a bad thing, I have worked so much already but with me leaving soon and the market being down it's actually a really good time to be leaving.

I decided to actually do something today so I headed to Shibuya, a very busy district in Tokyo with a great mall. But as soon as I got there I just wasn't into it. The loud music and overwhelming stores. I felt like someone pulled the plug on me and sucked all the energy out. And I had just ate so I knew it wasn't lack of nutrition. After about an hour or so I headed back and grabbed some dinner. And even while I was sitting eating I just wanted to crawl into bed. It's not often I get like that.

I basically haven't left my bed since. And I know I'm not sick I feel fine. It's just my energy level is completely shot. It's probably a really good thing I'm not working, I don't think I could have made it.

I'm thinking a lot of it has to do with stress. Thinking about going home, the 10 hour flight, packing, school starting, drama with grad t-shirts, class lists, getting a job once I'm home, Milan, figuring out what's next. I over analyze everything, so when there is a lot to look at, It's exhausting.

I just need to let things happen how they will. It's just there's so many loose ends it's hard to stand here and not try and tie a knot. Instead I am just tangling myself up.

Hopefully tomorrow there will be more answers and my head will be at rest.

Ky.xo

Innocence was the key, I was locked up never free; until you turned me.

Things have been winding down here in Japan. Seeing as I'm leaving soon I no longer have castings and there aren't as many jobs because a lot of people have left Tokyo due to the unreal heat.

A part of me is really sad knowing this whole thing will be over. When I think back to June and how much anticipation I had about this trip and now, knowing it is over is kind of upsetting. But at the same time I feel like I have been very successful and couldn't have asked for more.

So I guess it's fitted that my time here is almost done. I'm kind of at a point where I just want this last bit to fly by. If I'm not working it's quite boring and it causes me to wish I was at home with everyone more. But in order for it to go by fast I would need to be working. It's kind of a weird situation. Not working makes going home more exciting but working will make it come faster..

Either way the clock is counting down.

I just keep trying to think now that this experience is over I'm ready to tackle the next. I look forward for what's to come. I have a very bright outlook as to what path I hope to take. This trip has not only taught me a lot about myself it really helped me figure what I want to do after High School. I spent nights before this trip looking into schools figuring out a career. This trip has shown me more then all those nights of research put together.

Basically right now I feel that school will always be there. My dream will not. It's time to run for it while I can. Plus it's becoming more common to go to school when your a bit older. Once your more sure of what you want to do. So many people just go to school because they think that's what they have to do. Personally I feel a lot of it is wasted money. I know I will go to university some day. But until I'm absolutely sure what I want to do. There is no point. I have a good idea but things always change.

I also got a good chuckle today. A girl I barely know who's a few years younger started asking be about my trip on facebook, she then says "so are you famous?" I couldn't help but laugh. I just said "noo not even close." then she replies "Oh I heard you have your own TV show."

...

I love rumors. I cried laughing, it was so cute and ridiculous at the same time. I just said "No I work at the shop channel but it's far from 'my show' I just model the products."

Ahh anyway I just had to share that it really made my night. But hey who knows, maybe one day right?

When one door closes, another door opens.

Ky.xo

Trophy Wife.

I am currently sitting here completely exhausted thinking over the past two days. It's hard to believe all the work we did was only in two days. Felt like a week worth. But It was so worth it.

Turns out it was filming a DVD for the Mazda 5. Our description?: A successful stylish family with a trophy wife and a daughter that gives no troubles. All American family Japanese style. Hence why I am 17 and my husband was 30... this is completely normal for Japan... hm.. but hey it got me the job.

Turns out my husband was Eric, whom Laura had told me about. He was with coultish a long time ago and then moved to Japan. And he is kind of the reason I'm there, for he helped Atsushi with scouting and introduced him to Coultish. It was nice talking to another Canadian for a few days.

My daughter was a 2 year old named Miyuki said (Me-You-Key, pretty darn cute if you ask me..). I think she might be half Japanese though she doesn't look it much, her mother was on set too who was caucasian. It was odd though because both only spoke Japanese. It was interesting and often a challenge. At first Miyuki was very difficult which makes total sense. I wouldn't want to sit between these two strangers either if I was her. So the first day it took a lot of tricking her into the shots. Having her mom sit there with her then get up and I would sneek in behind. Then she would burst into tears and run to her mom. It took much longer then needed but she was so adorable, who dare get frustrated? It was a very long day on set so when I got to the hotel I crashed.

The next day was a 5 Am wake-up call. Yipee. We went to a cafe and did a few shots there with just me and Miyuki. At this point she had started to warm up to me and we got all the shots pretty easily. We then moved to a hotel and did shots of me getting in the car, shifting, steering. Etc. Then we did a few more family shots with the car. Miyuki was still kind of scared of Eric which I understood, he is very intimidating. But she started to love me. When I had to do a take of carrying her to the car she hopped right into my arms. Everyone on set was so excited/relieved to not have her burst out crying and run to her mom. By the end of the two days, I really felt like she was my daughter. (weird I know) But when you spend that much time pretending it almost becomes real. Plus she was so freaking cute, I couldn't help but fall in love. And when it came time to say good-bye. She started bawling her eyes out. It was totally heartbreaking.

I will most likely never see you again but I hope the best for you Miyuki. One day you will look back at this DVD and laugh hearing about the stories like how we used a lazar pointer on the wall to trick you into letting Eric pick you up. Or how in half the shots your mom is hiding in the car so you will run inside.

I really forgot how much I love doing film. It's long. exhausting and repeatitive. But thrilling at the same time.

Either way it was a wonderful two days of work that I'm really happy I got to be involved in. I can't wait to get a hold of the DVD to show everyone.

Until next time,

Ky.xo

These things take time love, these things take backbone.

Inspiration. It is all around me here in Tokyo. Whether it be buildings, fashion, models, shoots. Anything. Tokyo has shown me my true desire for this industry. I literally burn for it. I always enjoyed things like dance, skating, music. And I was always happy while doing all those things. But not like this. The energy and fire I feel when I'm working is one people would spend their whole lives searching for. And at 17 I have found it. I have found my passion. I have found the industry I plan on devoting my life to.

It is humbling to know I can stop looking and start working.

In a way I don't care what side of it I'm on. Camera, casting, scouting, designing, modeling. I just love it. Although my ultimate goal would be modeling. Simply because that's where the fire burns brightest.

Not only that but this industry accepts me. I'm very pale and I can't tan to save my life. Literally I got back from Mexico and people asked if I even left... But they love pale models. Tans are a big no no. Big plus for me.

It likes that I'm skinny. In middle school I was constantly beat on being called anorexic in the halls. I remember coming home bawling my eyes out asking my parents why I don't have thighs like the other girls. I remember looking in the mirror wondering why my legs don't fill out my skirt like everyone else. Wishing that they would. Modeling has taught me to love my body and be proud of the fact I am small and embrace it.

They like girls with natural hair. Now a'days it's hard to find a girl who hasn't coloured her hair. It's just what we do. But for some reason I never felt I should. And they love it. No roots, not dead. It's wonderful. I'm proud to be able to say this is my natural hair. And even though colouring it is so tempting at times. I just try and remind myself of these things.

In a way it's ironic how the modeling world likes what society often doesn't and yet people still swoon for it.

And in a way these things just reassure me even more that this is where I am meant to be.

Now don't get me wrong, there are still many things I wish I could change about myself. There are still many days where I think "God I would look so much better with a tan". But why live your life constantly picking yourself apart? Why hate your body? It's the only one your going to get and hating it isn't going to magically change it. So why not learn to embrace it and love your flaws.

It's a slow process but that's what I'm learning to do. And I encourage others to do so as well.

Here's to learning to love yourself,

Ky.xo

Okinawa

4:30 AM. At this time Friday I was up and getting ready to head out to Okinawa. I decided to go with no expectations. They are always wrong. For once I was just going to let it all hit me. During the metro ride there, my agent was talking to me about what my trip might kind of look like. Then he says "Okinawa is tropical, not like Tokyo. You be very careful, many dangerous animals. Don't go in water without shoes and stuff. Things there can and will hurt you." K, buddy, you don't tell this to miss. paranoia. Okay? So now I'm freaking out. Panicking like mad. Just thinking of the things lurking in the waters and forests.

We arrived at the airport and I was quickly assured that my safety was of utmost importance. And this point, I could finally breathe again.

Turns out the day I went to Okinawa was the anniversary of the Hiroshima bombing. Kind of insane to think about. The airport was super busy with tons of people heading to Hiroshima to go to the temples there and pay respect. In a way, I wish I had been one, would have been something to see.

So we get to Okinawa and off we go to shoot almost immediately. Turns out I am the first person, ever to have been shot with this new Olympus camera. Which isn't for sale until October. Which is incredibly flattering. Ken, the only one who could speak english then came up to me and said "We are all very thankful for you being in Japan, we are working because of you. So thank-you. " It was very sweet, I was going to say well I wouldn't have a job unless you hired me so thanks! But his english isn't the best so I just thanked him back.

So we were shooting on a beautiful private beach, In the water, on the sand. For the first time ever I actually felt like a real working model. It was a weird feeling. It felt like this was the kind of shoot you see on TV or people expect, just it's not edited so It's waaaay longer. But I loved every moment. Usually I get really tired and over worked during a shoot, and maybe it was the settings, but I could have gone on forever.

And no worries, there was no creeping things in the water.

At least...there.

The next day we started off with a shoot at a water fall. It was so stunning. I once again had my feet in the water but just my luck I had crayfish walking all over my feet.. Not fun. But for some reason during a shoot I am able to suck it up and deal with it.

Okinawa weather is baazar. It would be killer hot, then just down poor, and when I say down poor I mean you can't see because it's raining so hard. (see video) so sometimes we would shoot, feel the rain, sit for 5 minutes with umbrellas until it passed, then go again.

For lunch they took me to a famous Okinawa noodle house... soooo good.

We then went to the famous Elephant point (rocks look like an elephant) to do more shooting. It was stunning, we then climbed up for the last shots on the top of the cliff. Turns out 3 people have died there while doing a photoshoot. I'm proud to say I shot there, and I lived.

So the shoot was over and we were heading back to the hotel.

But we must remember this rule, no shoot is ever over.

We pulled over to the side of the road and I quickly changed and we shot with the sunset. I thought okay Kyla last chance to whip it out. Result? They were jumping up and down they were so excited with the photos. It felt good, especially because the photographer is apparently a big name in the industry. I was proud to say the least.

So with it finally being over we went for dinner. This time for some Shabu Shabu. Which is raw pork you then boil in water with garlic and other things until it turns white, then dip in your soup and eat.. and you know what, it's pretty good. A little too fatty for my liking but it wasn't bad.

The next day we had lots of time to waste so me and Fumoshi went for a walk on the beach. The way the rocks are and everything was totally stunning. After about an hour we decided to head back due to the fact we couldn't stand the heat any longer. And just like the lovely Okinawa weather would. It started to poor. But I loved it. We were running back and the warm water was pounding on my skin. I almost didn't want to go inside. It was such a rush. I wish rain back home was like that.

We then all hopped in the van and went to check out the market. I got to try local mango (seriously the best thing I have ever had....ever!) Sea grape, a form of seaweed which is actually really good. Tons of sweets, local donuts etc. There are samples of everything! Things I didn't try: pig feet, pig ear, massive lobster, bright blue fish etc. I can only take so much. But then I did get to have some Blue Seal, famous local ice cream. Tiramisu flavored as well, can't get any better then that!

Over all it was an amazing experience. I'm so glad I got to go to a place like that and have that opportunity. I mean going to a tropical island, shooting, site seeing and trying new things all while being paid...Absolutely no complaints there. I am so thankful of this whole trip. Not many can say they have done what I have this summer. I'm very proud and thankful.

But now it's back to reality in Tokyo. And as I say that, I can also say only 16 days left...

Where did 2 months go?!

ps. In the video, it's not cloudy out at all, it's all rain...

Ky.xo

Lost in translation

I have learned to love this life in Tokyo. Walking into the apartment feels like home. Seeing the lights and the streets of the city no longer feels this amazing foreign place, it all seems normal now. My bedroom back home seems to far away. It's odd to think about... It's a very surreal feeling.

Today I had what I thought was a diet pill ad but it turns out it was not. The company makes health products, sometimes the japanese translate wrong so diet products really mean health. And it wasn't a pill. Everyone here wears knee high socks with dresses and skirts, but these ones also help with circulation. So a lot of the shots are like what you see on the front of legging boxes, the nicely posed legs. And then we did a bit of a shoot outside. It was the fastest most laid back shoot I'd ever done.

It was wonderful.

Normally you are waiting around for ever; hair, make-up, lighting, poses, more lighting etc. If you don't have patience you would kill yourself. So this was a lovely change.

Once we were finished they took me out for lunch which was very nice, once again I loved the people I was working for. Aaaand once again bad translations.

They took me to a place called Bim Bum Bam. (hm..?) turns out it was a lovely pasta place. When I got my spaghetti one of the guys goes. "You are so hot." I just kind of looked at him. Then he said "Your hot, spicy." And pointed to my dish. Then I realized he was telling me it was hot. Rule number 1: Never assume what they say to you the first time is what they mean. Because it's often not. For dessert we ordered Tiramisu, aka: Kyla's favorite. But they were all out. Biggest let down ever. But we still got a delicious slice of chocolate cake, so I was happy.

Afterwards I went back to the apartment only to be whisked off again to a casting. But it was only one so it was painless.

Tomorrow on the other hand is another story. 4:30 wake up time? woo hoo! But it will be worth it because then I am off to the beautiful island of Okinawa. I'm so excited to get away for a bit and see another part of Japan. That being said I wont be able to post anything until I return on Sunday. But I promise to give every detail asap.

Yes this life in Tokyo is a good one. I'm not sure if I'm going to want to break out of this routine when I come home.

It's hard work and often exhausting but it pays off in unimaginable ways.

Which by the way I have more good news! I booked a job with Mazda! It's a three day shoot and I'm a mother. Yup, me my husband and daughter posing in an ad for Mazda. But who knows really, like I said translations aren't always correct so we will have to wait and see what really happens. Either way I'm thrilled.

ps. I'm expecting lots of messages of updates from people when I return(ahem yes that's you reading this right now, I'm sure you can spare 5 minutes to send me a message. It's a two my street, you hear about my life, I want to hear about yours too!)

Thanks, and much love,

Ky.xo

Head over heels.

Falling down is inevitable. Things are going to happen to us we don't like no matter what we do,who we are, where we go. Things that often help define us in ways we don't see until farther down the line. And what once seemed like the worst moment of you life, has become the best thing that happened to you.

Japan has helped me see myself in a new light. I have more respect and honor for myself. I care about what I eat more. And not because of weight but because I care what goes into my body, it works hard for me and I should do my part to honor that. I also find myself more prone for exercise, going for runs most nights.

Now I know, some of you may double check and make sure your reading my blog. Kyla running? No.

What has Japan done to her? Tea, now running? Who is she?

I can assure you I have not changed. I still hate tea, just not green tea. And running just really helps me clear my head, get all the junk out so I can just relax and night. It's been good.

It's also given me more determination then I thought possible. My goals have doubled and I am now running in a path I can see myself following.

Keeping your head up is the best way to keep from falling down.

One more day until Okinawa. I think it's exactly what I need.

Ky.xo

Milestones.

"As we grow older, it becomes difficult to just believe. It's not that we don't want to, but too much has happened and we can't."

"Follow your heart"

In the last post I mentioned how my Friday wasn't a good day. The main reason being as I was walking to my casting I noticed my necklace and come undone. I quickly grabbed it only to realize the charm was gone. I was devastated. I am a very sentimental person and that necklace meant a lot to me. My mother had given it to me before she left, it had two circles joined and then a little heart symbolizing our lives together and that she was leaving her heart here with me. You can see it in a lot of my pictures. Anytime I felt out of place or upset I just kind of held onto it and felt at peace again. It was my good luck charm. And it was gone.

I had the day off and I was contemplating what to do. I had wanted to go check out some shopping in Harajuku again but I really wasn't feeling up to it. Just kind of a lazy day. Then I thought, why? Why sit here and do nothing when your in this amazing city? Stop being such a downer. So I grabbed some food and off I went. I went into a bunch of boutiques, topshop, h&m etc all the while wanting desperately to blow more money then I had. I managed to keep contain myself though. As I was walking through top shop I was looking at the accessories. I went to move one and something fell. I picked it up and it was a necklace with a thin gold chain and a heart with a compass in the middle. I immediately went to the counter and bought it.

I decided that yes. It is a shame that my other necklace broke. But maybe it's a sign. My mothers heart will always be with me. But she has raised me and taught me well and it is time to stand on my own, and follow my own heart. It's my turn to take action for myself.

There's no better surprise, then surprising yourself.

Ky.xo