Feel the tide turning.

One chapter has come and drawn to a close. 

My time in Shanghai will be one I shall never forget. 

The lessons I learnt there have helped to pave the path I plan to take forward. It helped me realize things I want, and things I sure don't.

If anything I am most thankful for the people I met there. Some, I hope will continue to be life long friends.

 I try and take something away from every person I meet. Everyone has something to share. And being surrounded by such a diverse group of people I really feel like I've learnt so much from them. And with every piece I take away, I feel as though it helps secure me into who I really am and where I want to go. 

And if nothing else, I hope the people I have met have gained something from me. Whether it be knowledge I have passed on, even about the most mundane of things, or simply a new friend. 

Shanghai came with many ups and downs. And some surprising twists. 

I was shocked at how little home sickness I felt. For when most people go to China, they get a bad case of the home bug. But I think the fact I was just so happy to finally have a contract and be around good people, I just wouldn't let myself go there. I knew this is what I wanted. I wasn't going to let missing home ruin it. 

As I said before I was incredibly pleased with the people I met and the many adventures I got to go on in our spare time. Those moments will be the ones I shall never forget.

But the lows of Shanghai were definitely the filth, the stench and the rude behavior that no matter how long I lived there I would never get used to. Nor should one want to. We really are spoiled in Canada. And you can't truly appreciate it until you have been somewhere that is such a high contrast. 

And so with China at a close I can down take out a fresh sheet, dab my pen and start a new journey here in Singapore.

The difference here is like night and day. It's clean, quiet, safe and respectful. The people are friendly, the air smells sweet. Oh and you can drink the tap water (hallelujah!) 

I can already tell I'm really going to enjoy it here. I can't wait to get out there, get lost and get cultured. 

I hope you're ready for me Singapore!

Ky.xo

Nuvole Bianche

Decisions have never been my strong suit. Either I don't care enough to have a strong opinion, or I'm too scared to make the wrong choice that I just shut down and wait for someone to tell me what's right. 

Learning to listen to my gut has taken some time but I have learnt it is always right.

Originally, as I had posted on Facebook,etc that I was hoping to travel until December.

Going to Singapore after Shanghai and then back to Tokyo. 

I was thrilled but something wasn't sitting quite right. I wasn't all too pleased with the agency wanting me in Tokyo. 2 years ago I had been there with a small agency and as much as I made money and worked a ton, I like to know that I have grown, and that I've taken a step up since then. 

I didn't want to go back unless I knew I was doing better. 

And in this case, I didn't feel this agency was. 

I was hoping to hear from other agencies but the timing was tight and we didn't have much options. 

It was basically down to me saying yes or no. 

My head flew back and forth, "I don't want to go home and sit, I want to travel" , "But I want to push myself, this is taking the easy way out " , "I loved Tokyo, maybe it will be ok." , "But it's not just about making money!"

This internal conflict went on for a few days until I decided 

"No."

It wasn't right. It didn't feel right. Every time I got an email about it my stomach turned. I am in Shanghai with the best agency, going to Singapore with one of the best, I didn't want to take a step down now. Yes, it does mean I will have to work a heck of a lot harder. But I'd rather say no, and push myself to get where I need to go than say yes and settle, simply for the sake of somewhere else to go. 

So with that being said I will now be returning to Canada in October.

It may only be for a week and then I could be off again

It may be for another six months.

It may be in Duncan 

Or possibly Vancouver.

I haven't quite gotten that far. That's the thing with this industry, it changes everyday. You can never look too far ahead. 

For now, I have 2 days left in Shanghai until I head out to the fabulous location of Singapore. 

Change is good.

Ky.xo

Ps. What really helped me sit and make my decision was this incredible piece by one of my favorite composers Ludovico Einaudi

If this doesn't sit and boil inspiration in your soul I don't know what will. Please, take a moment, close your eyes and listen.

Heatseeker

I've always been big on goal setting. 

I can't even count the amount of times I have written out my bucket list, adding absurd number after another. But it helps put my head back in perspective of what I really want. 

I decided to write one out for Shanghai. 

Among that list was:

Do a Runway show  - Check .. x many.

Do a magazine - Check, which was super exciting because it's so rare here.

After doing the casting for Elle, get that job  - Check, despite the complications...

Get a TVC - with two weeks left to spare I can finally say, CHECK!

TV commercials are the golden standard everyone aims for here in Shanghai, simply due to the fact they pay the best. The castings aren't half as common and are usually cattle calls. But I set a goal to get at least one while being here. And when I found out I got one I was over the moon. Finally the last goal for Shanghai could be crossed off. 

It turned out to be one of the best jobs I have ever done. I arrived on set in the early morning and was immediately treated like royalty. Turns out I was the only person there being paid TVC rate, the others were just extras. Not only that, but when I did the audition we tried out for 2 roles; The Bride and The Cafe Girl.

The director liked me so much he cast me as both.

SCORE!

We did the bride scene first which consisted of me running with my Italian "groom" through a line of people throwing rose pedals and doves (which I managed to kick several times...sorry birdy) as we got into our Fiat and drove off.

It was hot, I was in a massive dress and I was in heels running back and forth several times. 

But I was having so much fun I could have cared less.

Then we moved on to basically the same scene only it was coming out of the church and this time they included rice.

Note to self, do not run with mouth open when rice is being thrown at you... 

I then proceeded to throw my bouquet into the crowd and run off.

Still running in 37 degree weather..

After that we had lunch, changed my hair and make-up and went to the adorable cafe for the next scene.

Apparently I'm a terrible wife because I was now with a French guy, rather than my Italian husband only moments later... 

I'll take the French..

All we had to do was talk and laugh, drink amazing coffee and eat cookies.

Literally.

And they just shot around us saying, 

"Mmm, coffe, coffecoffeecoffe, drink it, yum, ooh cookie, yummy cookie, oh he's so funny ah haha!"

So that's what we did. Not complaints there!

Talk about the life.

Not only that but you would have thought I was a celebrity. They would escort me around and be like "We've got Kyla on set! Kyla is on set!" 

Who me?

All the extras seemed to buy into it too because they did nothing but compliment me all day. 

I mean I could get used to that. 

It was amazing and I actually met some incredible people amongst the group too. If I could do that job everyday I would. And not just due to the special treatment or the high rate, that was just the icing. If anything it was just the atmosphere on set. The amazing directors and the dedication behind everyone working. It was inspiring and totally gave me that boost of, 

"Man, I love my job." 

And even after ending up with a killer sunburn, I can still say it was by far my favorite job ever. 

And with one week left to go in Shanghai, I can say I feel so incredibly grateful for the lessons I have learnt here. I have tackled my list, including some things I could have never imagined. 

Up next: to tackle one from the "Before I turn 20 list"... "Travel to 2 new countries"

Ky.xo

Burn your boats.

There's an old Irish tale of the traveling folk, who when they felt the desire for a fresh start, would set out on a voyage for a new island. Once they found their new destination they would settle in, turn around the burn their boats.

No going back. 

No safety net. 

Forced onward to their new lives.

I decided while in China that I really didn't want to go back to Canada only to sit around and waste my days, when traveling and modeling is where my passion is. So I let my agent know and she agreed that to continue traveling would be a wonderful idea.

So without hesitation I got rid of my apartment in Vancouver. Why pay rent of a place I may not even end up seeing in over 8 months? So thankfully with the help of my amazing mother and sister, they graciously moved my things back home while I'm still over here in China.

It was a strange feeling not getting a chance to say good-bye to my first place. Not even being around to see then end of another chapter in my life. 

But that's only because a new, and even better one had already started.

I just cut the cords. No looking back. Without even a guarantee of a contract yet. 

 Walking out blind.

I just kept telling myself "I'll figure it out, when the time comes, I'll just figure it out." 

A new mantra of mine I have adopted. No "what if" no "I don't know."

Just "I'll figure it out."

And with that I later found out I got a contract to Singapore for 2 months. Somewhere I have been wanting to go for a very long time. I couldn't have been more excited.

And then it was proposed to possibly go to Tokyo after that and then head home for the holidays. 

I was ecstatic. 

I had waited so long for this, it finally felt like all my hard work was paying off. And all I needed to do was burn my boat, get rid of my backup plan, for the cards to be able to fall directly into place. 

Burn baby burn.

After all this wonderful news I for some reason wasn't feeling so well. My head felt a little funny for 2 days or so. Then I woke up around 4AM one morning with the most excruciating headache I have ever had. I burst into tears as my head throbbed so hard it caused me to get sick. I was nauseous, dizzy and could hardly see.

That morning my agency took me to the hospital for a blood test and a CT scan.

I was terrified.

"I need my mom." 

I had never felt something like this before. 

Later that day my booker came back with a butt load of medication for me and said I had "Inflammation in my blood." Which I think was an improper translation, cause that really makes no sense?

So what exactly happened is still undetermined.

But the medication helped and it seems to have gone away, for now. 

The highs and lows of a week China. 

But thankfully I'm all better now and I'm able to look forward to what's to come.

Two weeks to go!

No point looking back at the flames now, instead I'll just let them push me onward.

Ky.xo

Draw your swords

Failure- That moment of hitting an all time low. Having your feet scrape the rough edges of rock bottom. 

What would have been one of my most enjoyable jobs since being in Shanghai quickly turned into one of the most heart-wrenching moments I have endured since being here.

I showed up at the Waldorf Astoria Hotel located right on the Bund. It was one of the most exquisite hotels I had ever stepped foot in. And I was going to be shooting here all day! I was basking in the beauty that surrounded me feeling truly inspired. Only to find out that I was shooting there for Elle!

Okay not the magazine but for their clothing line. Now in most cases when it's China that would be a knockoff name, but this was actually affiliated with the Magazine for I remembered doing the casting for it in the actual Elle China office. 

Not to mention this was no low budget job. Seeing as the hotel we were shooting in had Hermes soap.

Soap!

I was over joyed. Filled with bliss. It was drawing out to be the perfect day.

That was until the creative director showed up. He was your average 28 year old (I'm guessing) Chinese man. 

I smiled, introduced myself along side Luisa the other model from Romania. And he looks at me and says

"You got fat."

Right out. Blunt. To my face. In front of everyone. 

No hesitation.

"Excuse me?!" I blurted out.

I felt the skin break on the heels of my feet and they scrapped the rocks.

Bottom.

"This always happens to girls when they come to China, they come all skinny and then they eat Chinese food. It's a shame really."

"I don't eat Chinese food." I threw back at him.

And walked over to set to begin shooting. As you can imagine I was feeling really confident now.

Honestly. If I'm so "fat" then why the hell did you book me? Then why the hell am I'm easily fitting into your size 2 sample clothes? 

Later we were to shoot some underwear. 

Lovely.

I text my booker letting her know, for underwear catalogs pay more than regular. She replied saying I am not to do it for they weren't paying for that. So I let him know. After many phone calls and confusion my booker said go ahead and do it. So I did no questions asked. 

He comes up to me and says, "Are you sure you will do this? I don't want any problems, I want everyone happy and if you're not you don't have to."

"No", I smiled "I'm happy to."

At first I couldn't figure out why he was being so nice to me. It later hit me that he most likely thought I called my booker telling her I wouldn't do it because the asshole on set called me fat. 

Then he comes up to me and says "At Elle, a French company, we promote a healthy body image. So this is great" pointing to the photos.

Bull fucking shit.

If you want to promote a healthy body image maybe you shouldn't go around telling girls who are a size 2 they are fat. Thank god I am not one of the many 15 year old girls I have met over here who would immediately go to the toilet and throw up their breakfast. Because I'll admit when lunch came, I sure didn't want to eat. But luckily I had packed my own salad and while everyone else at chinese food,

 I proudly sat and ate my salad in front of him.

I love my body. I love who I am. I don't care if saying it comes across as conceded. I have a right to love myself, we all do. Because at the end of the day, this is all I've got. No materialistic items or people. Just my body and my soul. 

And if this guy thinks he will stop me by one bad comment he's got a whole other thing coming.

Just watch me.

In fact, thank-you. For you just added fuel to my fire. 

I hope you sleep well, because I know I am.

So what could have been my favorite job since being here quickly turned into the lowest point. And now instead of letting his words weigh me down, I will simply stand on his back as I climb to the next step on my journey.

Thanks for the lift pal.

Ky.xo

Mantra II

Bom Dia

I realized I hadn't posted in a while, and I have honestly sat here for 10 minutes trying to remember what I did this week.

I feel like without this blog and the photos that document it, my entire trip would be this way,

Just a blur.

But it finally dawned on me that this week I got to shoot for a magazine which was exciting because,

A) Shanghai produces few magazines

B) My agency doesn't even work with magazines for they don't pay much

But it's not about pay for me, and being published it just as good as gold in my eyes.

So I was rather excited. It was a wonderful shoot in an adorable studio. It was a very nice change from the rapid "catalog" pace I'm now so used to.

Sunday of course was Canada day.

 I began the day doing a shoot with fellow Canadian model and amazing photographer, Colin Gaudet. Here's a preview of the shoot, I'm seriously dying to see the rest, this boy is damn talented!

But right as we were nearing the end of the shoot and I was getting ready to get my celebration on I got called in to do a catalog for there were too many clothes for just 1 model.

I was not impressed. 

Don't they know it's CanadaDay?!

Regardless I sucked it up and went. Which they ended up liking me better than the model they had and let her go and left the rest of the clothes for me to shoot.

Wasn't the point of me coming because there were too many clothes?!

Anyways it ended up working out because I made sure it moved quickly so that after 5.5 hours I could get the heck out of there and get me a beer.

or 10.

Let's just say us Canadians here at PT made sure Shanghai did Canada proud

Boy did we ever...

Ky.xo