The Plan

A Plan.

I have always been a planner. I over analyze everything. Research things to the bitter end. The one thing that seems to be ever changing is my plan after High School. At first my dream was broadcast journalism. Which would still be amazing, but it's not my passion. I have always said I want a job that I get excited to wake up for. Which is why I look so deeply into these things.

Thanks to modeling I have fallen head over heels with fashion. I spend hours looking up designs and editorials. As much as I still have a lot to learn I feel as though it's something I understand and am willing to learn about.

That was change one.

But of course my true desire is in modeling.

I can not explain my love for it. And I plan to drag it out to the bitter end (which hopefully there is none)

But I have always said I will have a back up plan. Get a degree at least, so that I have something to stand on.

While in Japan I decided if modeling is my thing, I may as well take a year off and do it while I can.

That was change 2

And probably one of the best ones, I'm very glad I decided to. So I was going to travel as much as I could with modeling.

Alright that sounds good.

But now, while I'm in my final year of high school I've been wanting a car. Obviously the normal adolescent wanting freedom. First I need a job ...I'm working on it. But today it hit me.

I will never save a penny if I do that. First I'll have to pay off the car to my mom who would loan me the money, then insurance, then gas, then repairs. It will never end.

I realized today that I don't want to sit in Duncan waiting to travel. I now plan to move to Vancouver mid-summer.

If I were to get a car, I could never save in order to move to Vancouver.

There's no way.

So I have decided, no car for Kyla.

We have two, only one on the road right now but the second will be in February so I can drive it when ever, for now my friends can deal with me bumming rides. (Love you guys) And I am starting a "moving to van" fund, once I pay off my trip to Greece this spring break.

I couldn't be happier with my decision, discoveries and my over all plan.

Change is good, be open to it.

Ky.xo

ps. Once again image taken by Jonathan Bell.

Law of attraction.

Some days you wake up starring straight into the eyes of misfortune. It smiles and says "Good morning" in it's sly mischievous tone. And for the rest of the day it follows you. Frolicking around laughing as it simply stands in your way of everything. You try to reason with it, plead even. But it just continues to walk in your shadows.

The other night Jacob and I were talking about The Secret, a book about the law of attraction. This, and only this is the way to send misfortune on the next ship to Costa Rica.

I woke up this morning with my neck killing due to the cot I currently sleep on. Only to burn myself when pouring my hot water and lemon. Then tripping over the cords that run straight across my room for the internet.

Ok not a good start but I thought give it a bit of time.

Then I had a conversation with my mother that I couldn't exactly say shifted my mood in any way. Just not the morning for it. Causing me to billow in frustration.

Of course while getting ready I poked my eyes with mascara and my hair didn't want to cooperate.

I stepped outside to another 37 degree day. Fueling more anger towards my sweat.

After a meeting with my agent I headed to Zara's just to waste time. I didn't buy anything mainly looked around wishing the sale was still on so I could afford anything. After about an hour I decided to head back. Only to have my eyes caught by a starbucks. I thought ok, I so deserve this.

So I got a nice cold carmel frapp and a wrap. While walking to the only open seat I nicked the corner of my tray on the pony wall sending my frapp flying.

Awesome.

Hadn't even opened the straw yet.

The girls who's feet were currently covered the ice cold drink were nice enough to grab a worker to mop it up. My 10 napkins didn't really cut it.

And thankfully the workers were kind enough to even bring me a new drink right away. You always kind of hope they would but you never know if they will. Right then I though ok, this attitude needs to change. I'm a magnet for misery right now.

And when I finally got back to the apartment I just started laughing. If I keep saying "This is the worst day, I'm having such a bad day" I'm just going to attract more bad things. So I decided no, I am going to say "I'm going to have a better day, good things can still happen"

And as much as I haven't won the lottery or landed a burberry campaign, nothing bad has happened since. I have successfully walked across my room without tripping, Made dinner without burning myself and I even found one last cookie in the box that I thought I had finished.

And that right there is good enough for me.

So long misfortune, I hope you enjoy Costa Rica.

Ky.xo

Innocence was the key, I was locked up never free; until you turned me.

Things have been winding down here in Japan. Seeing as I'm leaving soon I no longer have castings and there aren't as many jobs because a lot of people have left Tokyo due to the unreal heat.

A part of me is really sad knowing this whole thing will be over. When I think back to June and how much anticipation I had about this trip and now, knowing it is over is kind of upsetting. But at the same time I feel like I have been very successful and couldn't have asked for more.

So I guess it's fitted that my time here is almost done. I'm kind of at a point where I just want this last bit to fly by. If I'm not working it's quite boring and it causes me to wish I was at home with everyone more. But in order for it to go by fast I would need to be working. It's kind of a weird situation. Not working makes going home more exciting but working will make it come faster..

Either way the clock is counting down.

I just keep trying to think now that this experience is over I'm ready to tackle the next. I look forward for what's to come. I have a very bright outlook as to what path I hope to take. This trip has not only taught me a lot about myself it really helped me figure what I want to do after High School. I spent nights before this trip looking into schools figuring out a career. This trip has shown me more then all those nights of research put together.

Basically right now I feel that school will always be there. My dream will not. It's time to run for it while I can. Plus it's becoming more common to go to school when your a bit older. Once your more sure of what you want to do. So many people just go to school because they think that's what they have to do. Personally I feel a lot of it is wasted money. I know I will go to university some day. But until I'm absolutely sure what I want to do. There is no point. I have a good idea but things always change.

I also got a good chuckle today. A girl I barely know who's a few years younger started asking be about my trip on facebook, she then says "so are you famous?" I couldn't help but laugh. I just said "noo not even close." then she replies "Oh I heard you have your own TV show."

...

I love rumors. I cried laughing, it was so cute and ridiculous at the same time. I just said "No I work at the shop channel but it's far from 'my show' I just model the products."

Ahh anyway I just had to share that it really made my night. But hey who knows, maybe one day right?

When one door closes, another door opens.

Ky.xo

These things take time love, these things take backbone.

Inspiration. It is all around me here in Tokyo. Whether it be buildings, fashion, models, shoots. Anything. Tokyo has shown me my true desire for this industry. I literally burn for it. I always enjoyed things like dance, skating, music. And I was always happy while doing all those things. But not like this. The energy and fire I feel when I'm working is one people would spend their whole lives searching for. And at 17 I have found it. I have found my passion. I have found the industry I plan on devoting my life to.

It is humbling to know I can stop looking and start working.

In a way I don't care what side of it I'm on. Camera, casting, scouting, designing, modeling. I just love it. Although my ultimate goal would be modeling. Simply because that's where the fire burns brightest.

Not only that but this industry accepts me. I'm very pale and I can't tan to save my life. Literally I got back from Mexico and people asked if I even left... But they love pale models. Tans are a big no no. Big plus for me.

It likes that I'm skinny. In middle school I was constantly beat on being called anorexic in the halls. I remember coming home bawling my eyes out asking my parents why I don't have thighs like the other girls. I remember looking in the mirror wondering why my legs don't fill out my skirt like everyone else. Wishing that they would. Modeling has taught me to love my body and be proud of the fact I am small and embrace it.

They like girls with natural hair. Now a'days it's hard to find a girl who hasn't coloured her hair. It's just what we do. But for some reason I never felt I should. And they love it. No roots, not dead. It's wonderful. I'm proud to be able to say this is my natural hair. And even though colouring it is so tempting at times. I just try and remind myself of these things.

In a way it's ironic how the modeling world likes what society often doesn't and yet people still swoon for it.

And in a way these things just reassure me even more that this is where I am meant to be.

Now don't get me wrong, there are still many things I wish I could change about myself. There are still many days where I think "God I would look so much better with a tan". But why live your life constantly picking yourself apart? Why hate your body? It's the only one your going to get and hating it isn't going to magically change it. So why not learn to embrace it and love your flaws.

It's a slow process but that's what I'm learning to do. And I encourage others to do so as well.

Here's to learning to love yourself,

Ky.xo

"Follow your heart"

In the last post I mentioned how my Friday wasn't a good day. The main reason being as I was walking to my casting I noticed my necklace and come undone. I quickly grabbed it only to realize the charm was gone. I was devastated. I am a very sentimental person and that necklace meant a lot to me. My mother had given it to me before she left, it had two circles joined and then a little heart symbolizing our lives together and that she was leaving her heart here with me. You can see it in a lot of my pictures. Anytime I felt out of place or upset I just kind of held onto it and felt at peace again. It was my good luck charm. And it was gone.

I had the day off and I was contemplating what to do. I had wanted to go check out some shopping in Harajuku again but I really wasn't feeling up to it. Just kind of a lazy day. Then I thought, why? Why sit here and do nothing when your in this amazing city? Stop being such a downer. So I grabbed some food and off I went. I went into a bunch of boutiques, topshop, h&m etc all the while wanting desperately to blow more money then I had. I managed to keep contain myself though. As I was walking through top shop I was looking at the accessories. I went to move one and something fell. I picked it up and it was a necklace with a thin gold chain and a heart with a compass in the middle. I immediately went to the counter and bought it.

I decided that yes. It is a shame that my other necklace broke. But maybe it's a sign. My mothers heart will always be with me. But she has raised me and taught me well and it is time to stand on my own, and follow my own heart. It's my turn to take action for myself.

There's no better surprise, then surprising yourself.

Ky.xo

Tim Walker

I was meant to be in this industry.
When I have pounds of homework the class I do first?
Fashion design, the one that barely counts for anything
When I should be studying for exams what am I doing?
Looking at models and photographers.
And in doing so I have found a new obsession.
His name is Tim Walker this amazing creative photographer.
His work is odd and indescribable. It is a work of art.
There should honestly be a religion on this guy.
His work makes you stop and think and want to wonder what it's story is.
It's amazing.

Ky.xo

Ps. This photo was an actual vogue cover, such a masterpiece.

Where did ya go?

I have a friend. His name is Jacob. Some of you who may end up reading this might know him. And I can imagine in time he may read this too so Jacob..Hi.
Anyways We went on a field trip not too long ago. We talked non-stop and when it came time for him to go back to Duncan on the bus and for me to stay back alone I felt a way I never have before.
I was confident. I was secure. I was happy and proud of myself. I didn't care I was wondering around alone. I had no problems smiling at strangers.
It was a wonderful feeling.
And as I sit here on my bed now I wonder where that feeling went? I need to find a way to pull that out of myself when in Tokyo. Because that girl, that day. Would land every casting she went to. And this one, in sweat pants and a hoodie on her computer today would not.
No questions about it.
And I'm not sure if it's just because Jacob is a good friend, or if he just has that quality to bring that out in people but either way I need to find a way to bring a little Jacob with me.
Because I like that girl.
She will come in handy.

Ky.xo