Author.

I love writing. That's the whole reason I started this blog. I actually had it before this trip, as sort of an outlet for myself. And today I realized that this blog is kind of a drive for me. I look forward to ending my day and recapping it all. When you look into your days more throughly it's amazing what you see. Little things you missed. I'm enjoying it. And I realized in a way it's a story I have started. And today when I woke up and was still feeling upset and lonely I realized the story has only just started and I need to finish it. There is a reason I am writing it, living it. There is a reason I am in Tokyo for a summer and maybe thanks to my in depth look into my days, by the end I will see that. In a way I'm already starting to.
This morning was difficult, it was early , I was going off maybe 5 hours of sleep added one to even less from the night before and I wasn't up for working. Plus I was still so uneasy, the smallest thing could have broke me. But I went to the job and it actually ended up being really fun!
It was like a fake wedding reception, I had a husband, we cut cake, clinked glasses, even walked holding weighted teddy bears that's a tradition for having children or something, I don't know I didn't ask. It was silly and over done, but really fun.
Then I got my papers confirming I am flying out of Tokyo tomorrow. So once I am done this horrible shop channel job from 3-6 AM I have to rest up because I fly out to Akita at around 5 pm. I then stay the night in Akita and do a hair show that morning through afternoon and then fly back home around 6pm. It's about an hour's trip. I'm pretty excited about it. I think it will be good to A: keep be busy and B: Kind of pull me out of my routine so that when I get back I can start over. Solo.
I also talked to my agent for a good ten minutes about it today. Because when we go to castings the Russians just talk to each other he always ends up talking to me. Which is good because we've become pretty close. So we were talking on the phone and he was explaining the next two days and what not. He then goes on about how he's trying to give me Tuesday off so I can rest up after this all. Which is very sweet if him. But it turns out I do have a fitting for a job on Saturday. Which isn't bad I can handle one thing. He was apologizing about it and saying "I can't do much about it, I think you are going to stay very busy. Lots of jobs for you." In his cute bad english. Hearing that kind of faith and support from someone other then friends and family who are kind of obligated to be that way, was extremely reassuring. And also from someone who has been in this business for a very long time. Thats when I tore off this shredded coat I was wearing of tears and confusion and realized I am ready to do this. There is a reason I am here, on my own. And not only that while pondering my day I realized how happy I was while doing the show. Before my phone call it was the only time today I was in a really good place. These jobs; even if it's a stupid bridal show with ugly hair and a fake wedding reception, makes me happy. No matter what I'm doing I love it. One of the girls hated her hair and was in a tizzy about it the whole show. Uhm, hi I had about 20 flowers in my hair that looked an arts and crafts store vomited on me but I still loved it!
That moment, right there is why I'm here. Because I love it.
Yes I love home. I love my friends and family. But that feeling is something I can't explain. I mean I do get it when I work back home, but it's not as much constant work as here.
Last night I was really upset about how lonely a summer this will be. But when it's filled with thrills of feelings like that, I guess it's worth it.
Until the next chapter,
Ky.xo